i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
