is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize