My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
