cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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