Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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