My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
