i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
