but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize