rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I said "one day" and that day is not today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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