I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
