Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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