Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize