no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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