used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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