Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
