and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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