every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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