i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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