I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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