ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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