So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
