I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
