dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how can u be prego again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
