Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We left the knife in your bed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
