just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize