oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
