I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
