he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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