I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
