Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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