Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
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So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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