then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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