first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
