I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
