I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
