oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
