You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
