I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
