My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
