Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
