I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
