i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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