trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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