We're facebook friends in real life
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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