i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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