god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
