so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
