if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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