Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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