sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
