if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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