oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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