Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Alive.
So much puke
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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