after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
