He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
