I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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