Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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