am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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