At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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