Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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